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Grand Theft Solitude
"Grand Theft Solitude" 'is the 69th episode in the ''Skyrim for Pimps series and the 13th episode of Season 5. This episode is a "very special kind of walkthrough" for the Thieves Guild questline, in The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. Plot S'oggy Balls heads over to horrible Solitude to steal a something valuable for the Thieves Guild. While he steals, he comes up with a great idea and decides to take the butter too. He thinks Delvin would want this. '''"I'm pretty sure he goes through five or six horker loafs a day and it takes a lot of butter." Back at the Thieves Guild headquarters, Cynric greets him and praises his work. S'oggy thinks he might be hitting on him but when S'oggy asks Cynric how he got good at picking locks, he says "pull up a chair my friend this is quite a tale." "Whenever anyone prefaces a story with, you better sit down in a chair and get ready to listen for an hour; I always get excited." The irony in all that is that S'oggy is currently telling this long story to Crotch Guzzler. Either way, S'oggy gets back to Delvin but somehow offends him. Our Cat-hero decides that he might want to stay away from Delvin for a while a do a quest for Maven Black-Briar. Now heading over to Maven's quarters in Riften, S'oggy meets Sapphire, Glover Mallory's daughter. Sapphire warns S'oggy to get out of her face. S'oggy punches her but Sapphire stands there arms crossed. This scares S'oggy a little bit and gets out of her face immediately. Finally reaching Maven, he sees her looking down. S'oggy thinks that she might have lost her contacts. Maven being the big mob boss of Skyrim comments that S'oggy did not look impressive. Our Cat-man tells Maven that he's actually the best and Maven goes on a spiel about the difference between confidence and arrogance. S'oggy outright tells Maven that he's just arrogant. Maven tells S'oggy about a little job she has for him and to meet a man named Mallus at the Bannered Mare. Once at the tavern, he sees Mikael the bard performing air guitar and suspects that there's a speaker somewhere. S'oggy finds Mallus in the corner of the tavern drinking by himself. He tells S'oggy to leave him alone but realizes that S'oggy was sent by Maven to talk to him. Mallus let's S'oggy in on the ultimate plan. S'oggy will visit the Meadery as an exterminator to kill the skeevers in the basement and will use the same potion to poison the Mead. This will be excellent timing to poison the mead because, Caius from the legion is coming to inspect the Meadery. Once he received his orders from Mallus, S'oggy steps out to the sunshine and talks to Ysolda. Unfortunately for Ysolda, it seems like business is slow and will not take more skooma for her drug dealing business. While S'oggy wants to help Ysoda out, he has things to do himself and sets off to the Meadery located on the outskirts of Whiterun. On his way there, he sees the walking Gargoyle, Lydia, blocking the city entrance. Horrified, S'oggy blames General Burnside for licking her butt and escapes Whiterun. After having a quick Skooma Break, S'oggy enters the Honningbrew Meadery. Sabjorn complains that he's in a pickle. He has to clean and take care of the skeevers in the basement before Caius arrives from the legion to inspect his meadery. The Meadery owner hands S'oggy the rat poison to kill the skeevers and tells him to stop bothering him since he's busy cleaning up the shop. S'oggy, thinking this is a good opportunity for a little prank, drops lots of goods on the floor and tells Sabjorn to get busy. "Unfortunately being reduced to my most shameful level of cat behavior; killing mice. Meow." The voice in his head warns S'oggy that "J'zargo will never respect (him) if he finds out about this." Work is work and S'oggy kills the skeevers (and a shirtless wizard man with a skirt on). He also dumps his own feces into the mead barrels. Back at the shop, S'oggy notices that Sabjorn still hasn't cleaned the store up. Caius, the inspector, comes in and has a sip of the mead. He then arrests Sabjorn for poisoning the mead and marches out. Mallus thanks S'oggy for his work and becomes the new owner of the Honningbrew Meadery. Shortly after, S'oggy attempts to steal a honey nut treat that he would feed to General Burnside but is caught by Mallus Maccius. S'oggy rips out three of Mallus' hearts and feeds them to General Burnside. Quote "You never mentioned that shirtless, skirt wearing, ice ball throwing, spider f*cking, sh*t sucking, skeever licking..." Video See also Season 5 S'oggy Balls Category:Episodes Category:Season 5